YUAN KICKS DOLLAR BUTT BY REJECTING "FREE MARKET"

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Scott McClellan ponders how to address the Rove investigation

"Hello, this is the President of the United States. Yeah, I find it hard to believe too, but go ahead and leave a message and either Dick or Karl or my Dad or Laura will get back to you. BEEEEEEP!"

"Yeah, boss? This is me, Scott. McClellan. You know, your press secretary? You remember. Kind of balding? The one who always falls for your finger on my chest, then I look down and you hit me on the nose trick?

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The Inevitability of George W. Bush

With regrets for all the chaos and death and destruction, it was necessary that George W. Bush should ascend to power and retain it for two terms of office. He is a singularly giftless man, but he brings one gift to everyone: disaster. Placed at the pinnacle of the greatest military empire in human history, its wealth and reach unimaginable in Caesar's day, equipped with every conceivable advantage that the very most powerful, influential cabals of rulership and commerce and warmaking can bestow, all of their collective beneficence concentrated behind his every purpose, yet he will fail.

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The tooth fairy, Santa Clause, WorldCom profits, the Easter Bunny, al-Qaeda.

The cruel, evil jerks who blew up the London subway last week, despite appropriating al-Qaeda's name for their website and T-shirts, have about as much to do with al-Qaeda as a Beatles tribute band has to do with the Fab Four.

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Tell us your "source," Judy
Not published in The New York Times

The only thing more evil, small-minded and treasonous than the Bush Administration's jailing Judith Miller for a crime the Bush Administration committed, is Judith Miller covering up her Bush Administration "source."

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Situation Desperate

I thought I'd be pleased when the American public finally caught on. It happens, eventually. The George W. Bush Mutant Death Festival, so popular for several years, has finally lost its appeal. Mark my worms, Paris Hilton is next. Not that there's much difference. Two debutantes mincing their various ways across the world stage, one clad in swimsuit, selling cow, the other clad in flight suit, selling bull; Americans bought both of 'em for a while.

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How the war on terror is eroding our civil liberties

Heading for Oakland from Seattle to see my grandkids last week, the Alaska Airline check-in machine refused to give me a boarding pass. Directed to the ticket counter, I gave the agent my driver's license and watched her punch keys at her computer.

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