Political Humour
Mar 27 2009
Stuff a Sanitary Sock In It
By Will Durst   

Oh for crum’s sake. Settle down people. You’re fixated. You’ve inflated this whole steroids thing into a national obsession. Suddenly, steroids are the root of all evil. An Al Qaeda trick designed to devastate Democracy from within. No. That’s not it. It’s athletes trying to cover Father Time’s spread. The average Major League Baseball career is 5.6 years long. If you’re going to make it, better start today. And be willing to do whatever it takes. Especially after Marvin Bernard and Fernando Tatis start going long.

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Tags:  Will Durst Steroids Major League Baseball
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The Baby Steps Blues
By Will Durst   

Excuse me, but I got a couple of questions. What’s the damn deal? The hell happened? Am I missing something? I mean, come on, Barack Obama assumed office almost two entire complete whole months ago and I look in the paper and guess what? Equivalence. The war in Iraq…  rages on; Global warming… continuing hotness.

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Tags:  Will Durst Global warming Baby Steps Blues
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Bye American
By Will Durst   

Can we stop with the waving of the sharp instruments for a minute and speak rationally to this whole ugly recession mess we find ourselves currently mired in? C’mon. You know what recession mess I’m talking about. You’re packing a bag lunch and taking mass transit to visit the public library to use their ancient computer to check out the job classifieds on Craigslist for crum’s sake. Yeah, that recession mess. Well, you’ll be glad to hear we’ve positively identified the bad guys responsible for this meltdown and they end up having awfully familiar faces.

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Tags:  Will Durst Bernie Madoff American
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The Tomorrow Speech
By Will Durst   

Barack Obama’s initial foray into that belly of the beast known as a joint session of Congress was nothing less than a resounding… semi- success. Sort of. It wasn’t quite a State of the Union Address. His Inaugural pre- empted that. You get one or the other. That’s the rule. This was a State of the Union Address Lite. With only 60% of the expectations of your normal State of the Union Address. A pseudo SOTU, if you will.

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Tags:  Will Durst State of the Union Obama speech US congress
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The Best Cabinet Money Can't Buy
By Will Durst   

It was weird to hear the words that flew out of Barack Obama's mouth when asked to comment on one of the four or five or FORTY of his Cabinet appointments that were forced to pull out before their confirmation hearings commenced.

"I screwed up."

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Tags:  Will Durst Bill Richardson Judd Gregg Secretary of Commerce
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Tax Cut Zombies From the Planet No
By Will Durst   

It is the stuff of nightmares. Hear the shabby shuffle of their soft somnambulant stutter and your skin begins to crawl. To see their haunted hollow eyes on the cable news shows taking no notice of their surroundings is a spiral straight into terror. The worst part is the cries of the children as they cower behind couches, hands over their ears blocking out the monotonous intonations of the mind numbing mantra- "Tax Cuts. Tax Cuts. Tax Cuts." They are the Tax Cut Zombies from the Planet No!, and they are not of this earth. Okay, maybe they are, but they sure don't live in the real world.

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Tags:  Will Durst Capitol Hill Tax Cut Zombies
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Triggering a Silent Scream
By Will Durst   

The President is not what you call dim. He's obviously aware the only thing worse than a bleakening economy is a bleakening economy where the most depressed of us are forced to watch the least depressed of us get handed eight figure bonuses. And no, that's not counting the two figures to the right of the decimal point. It's one thing to be supplementing your diet with discount cat food. It's another thing to have your nose rubbed into the tiny tins by the people responsible for compelling you to munch on the Meow Mix.

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Tags:  Will Durst Tom Wolfe Silent Scream AIG
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The School For Scandal 2.1
By Will Durst   

A politician making lemonade after being pelted by a bushel of media chucked lemons is as familiar as red yarn on the handle of a black bag on the luggage carousel at O'Hare. But few alive have seen the likes of Rod Blagojevich. Not content to stir up a nice cold pitcher or erect a simple stand, the former Illinois Governor is challenging Minute Maid's supremacy in the field of citrus concentrate.

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Tags:  Will Durst Rod Blagojevich Scandal Illinois Assembly
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