In an upset worthy of Marin Day School covering the spread against the Green Bay Packers through the first three quarters of a spirited scrimmage at Lambeau Field, the coveted Clueless Cup appears to be on the verge of falling out of the clutches of President Bush's staff for the first time in 8 long years. And the usurper is a little known agency that has blissfully slipped the bonds of reason and floated into the chasm of ludicrous self- delusion. Or to put it in layman's terms: delivered another Congressional report.

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As the curtain mercifully falls on the Most Important Election of Your Lifetime, the nation breathes a collective sigh of relief. Or do they? Sure, there were enough Byzantine plot twists and darkly rich comic characters to exhaust Dostoyevsky's older smarter brother. And I imagine more than a few of you are woke up spent, limp, barely able to grasp your coffee cup and raise it to quivering lips; tertiary casualties of Election Fatigue.

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Actually, they call it “pranked,” and you probably think I’m talking about famous Canadian-born SNL producer Lorne Michaels, but no, no, no. . . or should I say “non, non, non?”

Canadian radio host Marc Antoine Audette convinced Republican VP wannabe Sarah Palin that he was French President Nicolas Sarkozy during a six-minute conversation that aired on Montreal station CKOI.

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It was as refreshing as a secret waterfall in the Sahara to see the FBI video of Democratic Massachusetts state Senator Dianne Wilkerson stuffing part of a $23,000 payoff into her bra at Beacon Hill's Fil- A- Buster restaurant under the shadow of Boston's Capitol dome.

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I don't know which is scarier: The American landscape the next President of the United States is destined to inherit, the people who will make that decision (us), or the fact that these two guys seem to want it so bad. Or do they? Did you ever think of that? Maybe John McCain is deliberately trying to throw the election. "Let me get this straight. Ten trillion in debt? Losing two wars? Tampa Bay in the World Series?

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Take that old saw about not being able to teach an old dog new tricks and toss it in your blue recycling bin on top of your fifth of a quart economic medicinal containers. In his final mano- a- mano confrontation with Barack Obama, the oldest dog of them all, Arizona Senator John McCain proved that aphorism false by adding a new wrinkle to his typical somnambulant debate strategy; centering his entire debate performance on currying the vote of a single man, Joe the Plumber.

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You'd think that the two remaining presidential division heavyweights squaring off on national TV would produce a modicum of action. You know, a knockdown, busted nose; maybe a rabbit punch to the back of the head or a chunk of an ear spit through the ropes into Tom Brokaw's lap. Something. You'd think. But you'd be as wrong as fried foie gras with truffle butter on a hot dog bun. Float like an elephant. Sting like a frog.

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