You'd think that the two remaining presidential division heavyweights squaring off on national TV would produce a modicum of action. You know, a knockdown, busted nose; maybe a rabbit punch to the back of the head or a chunk of an ear spit through the ropes into Tom Brokaw's lap. Something. You'd think. But you'd be as wrong as fried foie gras with truffle butter on a hot dog bun. Float like an elephant. Sting like a frog.

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A U.S. military officer warned Pentagon officials that an US candidates for president was being driven nearly insane by months of punishing campaigning and deprivation of contact with non-supporters, according to documents obtained by The Antisocial Press.

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Sweaty wrestling scholars have yet to establish whether it's a Chinese, Arabian or American curse; nonetheless somebody once said, "may you live in interesting times." And sure as God made the larva of the coddling moth eager to worm its way into the core of little green apples, we are knee deep in the middle of one of those "interesting times." Any more interesting and psychiatrists will start franchising electro shock therapy treatments at shopping mall kiosks.

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It Probably Won't Leave You

I find people that cry 'fascism' at the slightest erosion of their fundamental American rights just as irritating as the next guy.

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Americans love choices, but they hate decisions. In some ways this is at the root of our current national dilemma. We have a choice of airlines, shopping malls, grocery stores, and political parties.

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Got a message for Alaska Governor Sarah Palin. Hey lady. How ya doing? Me too. It's going around. Listen, the couch is over there and you might want to lie down and take a Zen moment to get over your bad self. You had a nice run: your moment in the sun, complete with an SNL skit featuring your Doppelganger, Tina Fey, but now the honeymoon is over and you should moose up and use this quiet time to devise an actual stance in lieu of a pose.

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American Roman Catholics celebrated today after the U.S. Congress, by a wide majority, passed a bill confirming that life begins at conception and that at birth each baby will now be considered legally nine months old.

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