Thinning the Republican herd in this year's Presidential Sweepstakes is proving to be harder than 3-D chess with transparent pieces. In their first three primaries, the GOP has mounted three different heads on their electoral wall.

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Listen my friends and you will hear a tale of a fateful night. It’s a tale no other dare speak of. Not a matter of political correctness. It is shame. Of which I have little. If any. Okay. None. So here goes. What follows is the real and true story of how Hillary Clinton overcame a double digit same day deficit and won the New Hampshire Primary. A tale of a race and of race.

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The great thing about the Iowa Caucuses is even after its over, nobody knows exactly what happened. Its best described as musical chairs without the music. And no chairs. On the Democratic side, people don’t really vote.

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A Satirical Purgative for the Last Seven Years

Okay, so it's New Year's morning 2008. Big deal! I have a raging head cold and there's still 385 days until . . . what . . . a new president . . . a new hope for the democratic experiment of our Founding Fathers . . . until my sinuses stop feeling like an unanaesthetized root canal.

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Okay. Just so you know: the Top Ten Comedic News Stories of the Year are as different from the Top Ten Legitimate News Stories of the Year as Peppermint Mini Marshmallow Froot Loops are from porridge. For instance, the Pakistani government transition didn’t make our list. Why? Because it has the humor quotient of cider vinegar foot baths.

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For those of you lying back in your recliner with your feet up, thinking all the weirdness of 07 had already unspooled and you had a couple of weeks to sit back, relax and let your blood pressure fall from tropospheric levels, I have news that will compel you to crank your footrest down to its upright perpendicular position, poised to jump from your chair and ram your head full speed into the opposite wall.

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Talk about how the almighty have fallen. The dollar is headed downhill faster than Bode Johnson on a set of rocket skis. Think nose dive. Plummetville. Plunge City. Belly Floppo Rama. Recession is such an ugly word.

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