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Dec 04 2006
Bipartisanship, My Foot | Print |  E-mail
Political Humor
By Ben Tripp   

Translation

ImageI've been saying it for years, but it is now visible to the naked eye: George W. Bush is insane. He no longer makes sense when he talks, and I mean just for a few seconds. His utterances are devoid of information or accountable facts. He simply says things, and you can believe them or not, it doesn't matter. Because they are just statements, absent context or content. My kid talked the same way when he was two years old, but he wasn't president of the United States at the time, so nobody made a big deal out of it.

Perhaps more worrisome, Dick Cheney, the putative vice president but the man generally understood to actually be directing the government, is also insane, and as with Bush, it has become resoundingly obvious. His bellicose pronouncements against Iran, Democrats, and reality in general are particularly striking of late.

He maintains long-debunked fictions like the existence of Iraqi 'weapons of mass destruction' (a preposterous but catchy term that I cannot help using) and the notion that al Qaeda somehow cunningly manipulated America into the situation in the Middle East, as opposed (for example) to America having started the whole fucking thing on its own.

Let us remember that although Bush sends armies against imaginary enemies, and those armies are killed by different enemies (which is awful), Cheeney not only heartily agrees with these efforts, but also likes to mass-slaughter captive game birds and blow his friends' faces off with a shotgun. At least Bush is afraid of weapons. That's a start.

I am guessing Cheney would love to do a little aggressive interrogation of his own, if he could get access to some copper wire, a couple of tank batteries, and a nice quiet CIA oubliette stuffed with Afghanis.

I'm maundering about these things because we're in an odd lull period: there's lots of exciting news, all of it is bad, and even the major commercial media have decided to admit Iraq is gripped by 'civil war', a term dreaded for some reason although it's no more dreadful than ordinary 'war' or 'occupation'. But none of this news is surprising or novel in any way. It is exactly what one would expect, given the circumstances. At the same time, the 'new broom' Democrats, who are about to take control of the least branch of government, the Legislative Branch (beneath, in ascending order, the Judiciary, Executive, and Lobbying Branches), are already revealing themselves to be incapable of aggressive, steadfast governance. They're exactly the pack of weak, media-unsavvy, squabbling, scaredy-cat cool-kid heather-wannabes we all figured they were.

So the next few weeks, extended by the holidays, are going to be entirely rote. Unless an outside actor decides to raise hell and we get another terrorist attack or something. Martial law, kiddies, heh heh heh. Waiting and seeing is unsatisfying.

John Bolton, Rotten Fuck

I am pleased to note that John Bolton, one of the most unpleasant men in Washington, will not be keeping his post as UN ambassador. I'm sure Bush will find some equally shitty individual to fill the post in Bolton's stead, but at least it's one more poisonous asshole being removed from a position that would allow him to piss on the rest of the world.

Heavens, reverend, such language.

Ben Tripp, author of Square in the Nuts, is a hack in many mediums.

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Comments (4)
RSS comments
1. 04-12-2006 23:01
Terrorists ALL hate Bolton.
Guest
45acp
2. 07-12-2006 23:06
Terrorists ALL hate Bolton
If terrorists all hate Bolton. Consider me a terrorist!
Guest
bboldt
3. 08-12-2006 04:30
Terrorists ALL hate Bolton
bb, have you not been getting any of this??? Terrorists love, LOVE Bolton, Bush, all these guys. They give them the very thing they want; disposable martyrs, more every time Bolton and Bush and, yes, Cheney open their profoundly stupid mouths. PAY ATTENTION! When the terrists are sneaking up onto your back porch, you're going to be stuck on your front steps firing off shots at no one in particular........
Guest
emily
4. 08-12-2006 20:57
Terrorists ALL hate Bolton
bb, I wasn't paying attention. I meant 45acp. sorry!
Guest
Emily

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