Self help methods for those who have not achieved an honorary BS (bachelor of science) from Republicans School of Ethics.

-You have to believe that those privileged from birth achieve success all on their own.

-You have to be against all government programs, but expect Social Security checks on time.

-You have to believe that AIDS victims deserve their disease, but smokers with lung cancer and overweight individuals with heart disease don't deserve theirs.

-You have to appreciate the power rush that comes with sporting a gun.

-You have to believe everything Rush Limbaugh says.

-You have to believe that the agricultural, restaurant, housing and hotel industries can survive without immigrant labor.

-You have to believe God hates homosexuality, but loves the death penalty.

-You have to believe society is color-blind and growing up black in America doesn't diminish your opportunities, but you still won't vote for Obama.

-You have to believe that pollution is OK as long as it makes a profit.

-You have to believe in prayer in schools, as long as you don't pray to Allah or Buddha.

-You have to believe Newt Gingrich and Henry Hyde were really faithful husbands.

-You have to believe speaking a few Spanish phrases makes you instantly popular in the barrio.

-You have to believe that only your own teenagers are still virgins.

-You have to be against government interference in business, until your oil company, corporation, or Savings and Loan is about to go broke and you beg for a government bail out.

-You love Jesus and Jesus loves you and, by the way, Jesus shares your hatred for AIDS victims, homosexuals, and President Clinton.

-You have to believe government has nothing to do with providing police protection, national defense, and building roads.

-You have to believe a poor, minority student with a disciplinary history and failing grades will be admitted into an elite private school with a $1,000 voucher.

-You have to believe that Chinese communist missiles have killed more Americans than handguns, alcohol, and tobacco.

-You have to believe that the ACLU is bad because they defend the Constitution, while the NRA is good because they defend the Constitution.

-You have to believe that socialism hasn't worked anywhere, and that Europe doesn't exist.

-You have to believe that a woman cannot be trusted with decisions about her own body, but that large corporations should be free of all regulation and interference.

-You have to believe that government should stay out of people's lives, yet you want government to regulate same-gender marriages, access to birth control, and what your official language should be.

-You have to believe it is wise to keep condoms out of schools, because we all know if teenagers don't have condoms they won't have sex.

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Comments (8)

8. 28-07-2008 05:10

More Zionist, Bush-ite abuse

Liberals are so disgusting and self defeating - Deranged vomit spewers, they are.

Ole Dude

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