1. Homosexuality is not natural -- much like eyeglasses, polyester, fellatio, indoor plumbing, and birth control.

2. Heterosexual marriages are valid because they produce children. (As we all know, infertile couples and old people cant legally get married, as they are utterly barren.)

3. Obviously gay parents will raise gay kids, as straight parents only raise straight kids.

4. Traditional marriage will be less meaningful if civil marriage equality becomes law. (Just ask Britney Spears about her 55-hour just-for-fun marriage and its deep meaningfulness, or Rush Limbaugh about his four deeply meaningful marriages.)

5. Traditional marriage should be protected at all costs. (That's why divorce is completely illegal.)

6. Civil marriage equality issues should be decided by people, not the courts, because the majority-elected legislatures, not courts, have, after all, historically protected the rights of minorities. (Just ask interracial couples about life before Loving v. Virginia in 1967, or African-Americans about life before Brown v. The Board of Education.)

7. Civil marriage equality is not supported by the predominant religion here. And as we all know in a theocracy such as ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country -- thats why we have only one religion in these United States.

8. Civil marriage equality will encourage straight people to be gay -- much in the same way that hanging around tall people makes short people tall.

9. Legalizing civil marriage equality for American citizens will only open the door to all kinds of crazy, surreal behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets, as dogs and cats have legal standing and can sign marriage contracts.

10. Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. (Thats why single parents are expressly forbidden by law to raise children.)

11. Civil marriage equality would change the foundation of society. Heterosexual-only marriage has been around for a long time, and we could never adapt to new social norms, just as we havent adapted to cars, longer lifespans, the abolition of slavery, or the extension of suffrage to women.

12. Civil unions, providing most of the same benefits as marriage with a different name are better, because a separate but equal institution is always acceptable. Just look at schools for African-Americans and separate water fountains for the same -- these worked beautifully, and were eminently fair.

Source: Unkown

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