I GOT YOUR UNITY RIGHT HERE.

So, grasshopper, you seek unity, yes? Well, my little duffle bag, lookie, lookie, lookie: we got your unity right here. The question is, how much unity can one party stand? Who are these guys? I thought this was supposed to be the Democratic National Convention. Where's the squabbling? Where's the back- stabbing and pistol- whipping? I'm not sure I can relate to these people. They're, what do you call it, organized. The only way to make this convention any more unified is to fill the Pepsi Center with gelatin and have the speakers swim to the podium. Especially compared to the Republican party where John McCain and the GOP platform committee are at odds, especially on the subjects of global warming and immigration, which McCain believes in and the Party doesn't. Back in Denver, Hillary Clinton nailed her dismount like Shawn Johnson in a slo- mo replay off the balance beam with the assistance of fiber optic cables.

It wasn't enough that the vanquished Senator allowed the suspension of the rules to nominate Senator Barrack Obama by acclamation, she was able to get the Great State of Illinois, (yeah yeah yeah- Lincoln- Ulysses S Grant- never mention you're also the birthplace Jeffrey Dahmer do ya?) to defer to the Great State of New York to let Hillary herself call for the suspension of the rules. In Democratic politics, this was like suspending the space- time continuum. I'm sure Obi Won felt a disturbance in the force. Now the next question is, will Senator Barack OBama accept the nomination? Yes. The excitement is so thick you could cut it with a soggy bar coaster. More later.

OVERHEARD IN DENVER.

•       "I just wish he'd go back to Barry."
•       "Get your mints. Free mints here. Impeach- mints."
•       "Oh no." "What?" "Biden's kid is named Beau."
•       "How come they're all great states? How come nobody comes from a mediocre state?"
•       "You sure that was Stephen Spielberg who directed that thing and not his brother Sheldon Spielberg?"
•       "I swear to god. Better sushi than you can get in Tokyo." "In Denver?!"
•       "How was the party?" "I don't remember how I got home." "That good hunh?"
•       "I don't care about any stupid amendment. I want Bill to run again. And again. And again."
•       "Shit." "What?" "Yankees lost again." "They're out of it."
•       "Wow. Chevy Chase is old."
•       "Nice hat. Is the donkey supposed to be pooping on the elephant or just sitting on him?"
•       "She was wearing the orange pant suit to symbolize the political prison that all women are invisibly in."
•       "He's not black. He's more of a mocha."
•       "What's the deal with the bathrooms? The men's rooms have lines but the women's rooms don't. What's up with that?"
•       "Hey, Biden got a haircut."
•       "She's had some work done." "Some? I think scaffolding was involved."
•       "Did you realize Obama backwards is Amabo?"
•       "I think McCain has Alzheimer's. No, really, I'm serious. He's losing it."
•       "I can't understand a single word he's saying. But he sure looks damn good saying it."
•       "Sean Penn was dressed like a homeless guy." "If I had been dressed like that, they would have kicked me out." "They did kick you out." "See."

PRO- GOOD. ANTI- BAD.

You can sense it. People are in a state of shock here in Denver. In a surprise move, after a secret vote taken some time during the last day of their 45th quadrennial convention, the Democrats pronounced themselves to be firmly on the side of good, and although they acknowledge the existence of bad, after much internal struggle, they have reached an accord, and it is now apparent, they are aligned against it. You could go so far as to say, they are adamantly against all forms of bad. Including warm gin in martinis. 

So there you have it: the word out of the Pepsi Center- the Democrats have achieved a conversion to pro- good, anti- bad. This sweeping change in the direction of the party is thought to have been engineered by the Obama team in a radical departure from the "Good is sometimes good while Bad is nearly always bad" themes of previous tickets. The "feels good to be bad," the "too much good can be bad" and "a little short term bad might be good in the long run" splinter groups have had their credentials yanked and been given one way tickets back to Massachusetts and Northern California where they belong. There is a mood of optimism here and a sense of momentum. A feeling that after 8 long years of being locked out of the White House, perhaps now, their time has finally come. Again. To be honest, this reporter hasn't seen this kind of enthusiastic confidence since Boston, four long years ago.

RED MEAT STADIA.

If earlier in the week, Michelle and Hillary hit homers and Bill Clinton knocked out a grand slam, it all just faded like batting practice in the fog after the candidate launched one over the scoreboard past the parking lot onto the closed and highly fortified empty expanse of Interstate 25 at the Obama- Rama held in the Barackopolis constructed on Invesco Field at the Mile High Stadium in Denver on Thursday. Yeah, I know, it's a mouthful but to be truthful, so was the event. We weren't just witnessing an acceptance speech, this was more of an ascension. And the 86,000 faithful in attendance were rewarded with a celebration anointing their messenger of hope to a higher plane.

They danced and hugged and shouted and cried and acted like game show contestants moving onto the final stage. The big loser was Denver's balloon guy, because apparently something silly like physics dictates you can't have the traditional convention wrapper- upper balloon drop in an outdoor stadium. You can have fireworks, but it's hard to tell which was the more spectacular; the pyrotechnics of the speech or those after. For all of you nay-sayers who worry that Democrats are overly addicted to sprouts and don't do red meat, hah. That's right, I say, hah. The junior Senator from Illinois showed up in a Hart- Schaffner & Marx butcher's apron with a string of his opponent's entrails in his teeth. And the Republicans have to recreate this next week? Good luck. I can't imagine John McCain following this is if he dressed in spandex and lit himself on fire. Although, it would be fun to watch.

During the Republican Convention, Will Durst will be blogging for Progressive.org and appearing at the Mounds Theater in St. Paul on September 2, 3 & 4. Also, check for daily videos at youtube like this one. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kgropS13FZg

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