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Pigasus is back!
Satire by Bob Boldt | | Bob Boldt/ MWC NEWS |
Pigasus is back. Yes the granddaughter of the now-famed Grandpa Pigasus, the pig who ran for president in '68, is back! She is running on the newly formed DIPPIE party – an offshoot splinter group composed largely of 60-plus year-old Hippies and former members of the YIPPIE Party. The Beltway rumor mill is abuzz with the emergence of this (excuse the expression) dark horse candidate. Actually once upon a time a horse really did serve with honor in the Roman Senate – but that was long, ago in far, far better times. The precocious porker has one up on both the Democrats and the Republicans, being as how she is the first female, non-human to ever run for the presidency. This is certain to give her a big bump in the polls. The DIPPIEs – which stands for the Depends International Party withdrew their support from candidate, John McCain when it was discovered he didn't use Depends elder-diapers, but another leading brand. They also withdrew their copy-written slogan "Continence over Competence" from his campaign as well. This move has already created something of a groundswell of defections of many of McCain's lobbyist-advisers whose motto is "Follow the Pork." The candidacy of this latest Independent in the race has met with the same fate as Ron Paul, Ralph Nader and Cynthia McKinney: No mention of them ever crosses the lips of either of the leading Party candidates. The cat (excuse another mammalian metaphor) was nearly let out of the bag last week with the oblique references to "lipstick on a pig" made by Barack Obama. In a carefully coordinated bipartisan effort, both the McCain and Obama campaign committees, deflected the gaffe by fictitiously ascribing the motivation for Obama's remark to an attempt to defame VP candidate, Sarah Palin, instead of the actual reference to candidate, Pigasus. Even Sarah herself who was raised on Moose meat and venison was heard to remark off the cuff recently that she preferred pork. This ill-advised attempt to ignore the 300 pound pig in the room will not succeed. Actually Pigasus, in preparation for a rigorous round of campaigning, has just completed an intensive diet and exercise regimen under the supervision of Jack LaLanne and has trimmed down to a svelte 230 pounds. Once the voters get a taste of "the other white meat" they are certain to desert the two leading Party candidates in droves. Already many voters in the farm states of Indiana, Missouri and Iowa are starting to swing over to Pigasus. Owing to the presence of vast corporate pig farms, pigs actually outnumber people in these states. Due to the superior intelligence of pigs over most Republican voters, many local pigs have been able to register to vote and even run for local office. At this time it seems to be problematic as to exactly how Pigasus will be able to attract the Jewish vote. Rumor does have it though that even her campaign has received under the trough funding from the pro-Israel lobby, AIPAC. Please stay tuned for further developments. This campaign season the expression "Pigs are on the wing!" has never been truer!
 Robert Boldt an editor of MWC News, is a freelance film/video producer living in Jefferson City, Missouri. He is active in local politics, worked on the Howard Dean and John Kerry campaigns and is a cofounder of The White Rose Collective. Articles by Bob Boldt at MWC News http://mwcnews.net/bob-boldt |
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Category:: Political Humor |
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