Satire

Physician rebuffs Dr. Muskovitz’ Schizophrenia

While Mr. Durst, in his reporting, and Hopkins Hospital’s Dr. Muscovitz in his fiends seem to have scooped the mental status of George W. Bush, I have been in contact with a fiery-haired Scot, Dr. H.T. McTortel, from Massachusetts General Hospital. Dr. McTortel has a friendly professional disagreement with Dr. Muskovitz that goes back to the revelations of Jean Baptiste.

“I respect Robbie’s findings, though they are based on implication and correlation and therefore come a bit prematurely. As I have been involved with the Bushes for many years, I think I may state, with certainty, that George W. Bush is not suffering from schizophrenia but is engaged in behavior consistent with Munchausen by Proxy Syndrome, though on a monomaniacal level.”

Dr. McTortel’s findings will be published in the next issue of Lupus Naturae, a peer reviewed journal of gigantic proportions.

Munchausen by Proxy Syndrome is a bizarre form of child abuse in which a mother--though a concerned father cannot be ruled out, as in this case--pretends her child is ill. Although Mr. Bush’s immediate family is most definitely involved, is extended family is also affected. It is obvious, according to Dr. McTortel, that Mr. Bush has an inflated sense of responsibility, or, perhaps more properly, an inflated sense of self-worth.

“But, you see,” says Dr. McTortel in his Scottish brogues, “there may also be real illness involved. Munchausen by Proxy Syndrome sufferer will actually cause his child’s illness--even going so far as to poison the child.”

The offending parent seeks sympathy and praise. Praise for taking such an interest I his family and in persevering through the worst of times. What a selfless martyr!

At home, Mr. Bush has created a severe panic attack syndrome of truly global proportions: Americans are afraid of everything. “So afraid, in fact, that they are incapable of action. They are paralyzed by their fear,” says Dr. McTortel, and sent running from room to room seeking safety from the imposition of life. Only, with acute panic syndrome, there is no space of safety.

“Eventually,” continues Dr. McTortel, “Americans will black out their windows, as my father’s generation did during WWII, and cower inside their homes.”

What diseases has Mr. Bush given his immediate family? Dr. McTortel’s list is quite long, but it is topped off by homophobia, amourophobia, gravidophobia, xenophobia and moral terpitudinitis, a disease that leaves one cynical and despairing of the future.

“The poison,” concludes Dr. McTortel, “is hallucinogenics.”

As for Mr. Bush’s extended family, the illness seems to be terror. Though, as Dr. McTortel observes, “This is delusional and quite akin to hallucinogenics. So--hootman--what have we got?”

The true poison, it seems to this reporter, is weapons manufacturing and dissemination. Indeed, Mr. Bush sells weapons and weapons technology to his “child’s” playmates who, in fact, may be the child’s enemies. This apparent paradoxical behavior results, as all neurotic behavior, in gain that is self-destructive: his extended family as well as his immediate family become more afraid and fearful. That is, the illness of terror is fanned. This includes the guarded proliferation of nuclear arms and technology.

In true Munchausen by Proxy Syndrome fashion, Mr. Bush is creating the circumstances necessary to gain sympathy and praise.

Dr. McTortel sat back at the end of our interview and clasped his sandy-haired hands over his cardigan. “There is no known cure for this disease other than uncovering the syndrome and removing the child from parental care.”

Abused children grow up with their own problems, including death.

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Jimsecor is a freelance writer who has travelled extensively overseas, especially Japan and China. He has published in all genre and produced several plays over the years and has taught theatre, writing and literature.

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Comments (1)

1. 02-08-2006 05:32

Difficulties of Satire

It occurred to me, reading Jim Secor's essay, that I seem to have a low threshold of tolerance for satire written about our president these days. It is certainly not due to lack of effort or talent on the part of Mr. Secor and others. It's just that attempts to satirize someone who is already a larger than life cartoon character seems to fall flat next to the reality. This is why most writers wisely preface their headline with the warning "Satire." Bush is such an exaggeration that it is hard to discriminate between fiction and fact.  
 
Keep going Mr. Secor. You have your work cut out for you. 
 
Bob Boldt 
 
PS 
I really miss Paul Krassner's, The Realist. Now that was real satire! 
 
 
 

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