MWC News - A Site Without Borders - - 08 Democratic Convention Round up

•       Oxygen inhalers to counteract altitude poisoning.
•       Extra bumps on my credit card for price of admission to John Elway Museum when convention gets really boring, which means pretty much any time during the four days.
•       "How To Speak Delaware" to figure out what the hell Joe Biden is talking about.
•       A Colorado Rockies hat for Barack Obama.
•       A pair of basketballs for Jesse Jackson on behalf of Barack Obama.
•       A really sharp stick in case either one of the last 2 Democratic Vice Presidential nominees try to show up.
•       Hair spray for Joe Biden's hair.
•       "Free Kwame Kilpatrick!" sweatshirt.
•       Lots and lots of Vivarin.
•       Shorts, hiking boots and down vest in order to blend in outside the convention hall.
•       Grey ponytail and comfortable shoes in order to blend in inside the convention center.
•       One of Hillary's pantsuits for Michelle Obama. Not the weird blue one.
•       "Best of The Eagles" CD.
•       A pair of stridency shock collars for both Bill & Hillary Clinton.
•       A chamois in case Tipper Gore's hair helmet needs a quick shine.
•       Earplugs in case I get caught on elevator with Chris Mathews.
•       "Democrats Used To Do It From The Left But Not So Much Anymore" t- shirt.
•       Portable personal industrial strength espresso machine in feeble attempt to stay alert.

It was strange watching the Democrats spend most of their initial prime time Convention coverage not by talking about the historic feat of nominating the first black man for the Presidency of the United States but rather focused on the wonderful wacky world of women. Apparently, part of the Obamaniac strategy was to convince the Hillary Clinton insurrectionists to turn from the Dark Side and come home. Where there are no Y chromosomes. You saw it with Speaker Nancy Pelosi, Senator Claire McCaskill and Caroline Kennedy all taking turns at the podium, and even Great Aunt Teddy Kennedy making a heartbreaking surprise appearance. But the most effective shot was having the candidate's wife blow a kiss towards Hillary in the midst of assuring blue collar America that she was not a terrorist. Despite wearing a dress that was an absolute bomb. Garnering the biggest response of the night, Michelle Obama referred to 18,000,000 glass ceiling holes and the crowd went nuttier than the hospitality suite at a squirrel convention in Berkeley.

But the very best moment, the one that you couldn't plan with a 1000 miter saws and a conference room full of blueprints, was at the end, when the Obama girls, obviously up way past their bedtime, started cutting up with Barack on a satellite feed. Dad was thrown off script and confused but the kids provided such a winning charm offensive I wouldn't be surprised to hear Hallmark jumped on board by releasing a limited edition Sasha Obama Beanie Baby. A wonderful moment to remember the night by, until the New York Senator speaks tomorrow and all hell could break loose. But that's tomorrow.

This is the first Democratic National Convention in which females constitute a majority of the delegates, 50.1%, and fittingly, its being held in the Pepsi Center, the first arena built where most of the rest rooms have one of those stencils on the front door wearing a flared skirt. And isn't that sort of sexist? Or at least clothesist? Nevertheless, this is also the first major party national convention where most of the early high drama is being delivered by women. Last night it was the Obama girls, with Michelle making like June Cleaver, (all that was missing was the pearls) and tonight it's all about Hillary, who is responsible for more stress and anxiety in Democratic hegemony than waiting to see if an avalanche takes out your rope stakes. Her appearance has generated about an 8.7 on the Convention Tension pre ripple Richter Scale. Some people worry she could go either way. Make nice or go to the mattresses. But settle down people: she's always been a true party gal and knows what's expected.

To talk the recalcitrant ones off the ledge and back into the army of Hope. Some supporters are acting like abandoned puppies with discarded chew toys. One group wandering around Denver calls itself PUMA, which stands for Party Unity- My Ass. Bringing them back into the fold is not going to be easy. But then, where are they going to go? Hillary's also being held accountable for everything potentially wrong with the new way forward from providing McCain with his best campaign ad sound bites to the erratic path of Tropical Storm Fay. And tonight she has the opportunity to suture up old wounds and gracefully pass the standard. And then hope the elegance she's demonstrated will pay back dividends in 2012 after Barack loses this fall. That's why they call it politics.

You can understand why half the Democratic Party was Smurf morphing, turning blue from holding their breath for fear of what color fire would be breathed when the woman who never really stopped running for President, even when confronted with the inevitability of simple math, got up to speak. Funny things can happen when you give a torch to a woman scorned. Not all of them good. Especially a woman burned by two philandering pretty boy Democrats who is now being asked to swallow her flame of ambition center stage in front of the entire country. What's that old adage: never get in a match- throwing contest while standing in a pool of crude? She could have used that torch to burn down the whole house with everyone still in it, or shove it up somebody's gas tank or rally the villagers with it, while passing out pitchforks to storm the gleaming castle on the hill.

So the assembled masses breathed a sigh of relief when the blaze orange pant- suited woman in question didn't just pass the torch but lit it with the reflected heat of the passion of her 18 million ceiling crackers. That sigh of relief was especially loud in the Aaron Thompson household of Billings, Montana, where a guy who's going to speak on Thursday watched as well. The biggest question rolling through the Pepsi Center was "Why didn't she give this speech earlier?" Maybe she'll have a chance to give it again. In 8 or 4 years. But for now, the Denver visitors just hope that now the torch has been passed, the guy taking it up grabs the right end. The unspoken sentiment around here right now, is he and his party might want to put some of that heat in their belly. It takes a bonfire.

So, grasshopper, you seek unity, yes? Well, my little duffle bag, lookie, lookie, lookie: we got your unity right here. The question is, how much unity can one party stand? Who are these guys? I thought this was supposed to be the Democratic National Convention. Where's the squabbling? Where's the back- stabbing and pistol- whipping? I'm not sure I can relate to these people. They're, what do you call it, organized. The only way to make this convention any more unified is to fill the Pepsi Center with gelatin and have the speakers swim to the podium. Especially compared to the Republican party where John McCain and the GOP platform committee are at odds, especially on the subjects of global warming and immigration, which McCain believes in and the Party doesn't. Back in Denver, Hillary Clinton nailed her dismount like Shawn Johnson in a slo- mo replay off the balance beam with the assistance of fiber optic cables.

It wasn't enough that the vanquished Senator allowed the suspension of the rules to nominate Senator Barrack Obama by acclamation, she was able to get the Great State of Illinois, (yeah yeah yeah- Lincoln- Ulysses S Grant- never mention you're also the birthplace Jeffrey Dahmer do ya?) to defer to the Great State of New York to let Hillary herself call for the suspension of the rules. In Democratic politics, this was like suspending the space- time continuum. I'm sure Obi Won felt a disturbance in the force. Now the next question is, will Senator Barack OBama accept the nomination? Yes. The excitement is so thick you could cut it with a soggy bar coaster. More later.

•       "I just wish he'd go back to Barry."
•       "Get your mints. Free mints here. Impeach- mints."
•       "Oh no." "What?" "Biden's kid is named Beau."
•       "How come they're all great states? How come nobody comes from a mediocre state?"
•       "You sure that was Stephen Spielberg who directed that thing and not his brother Sheldon Spielberg?"
•       "I swear to god. Better sushi than you can get in Tokyo." "In Denver?!"
•       "How was the party?" "I don't remember how I got home." "That good hunh?"
•       "I don't care about any stupid amendment. I want Bill to run again. And again. And again."
•       "Shit." "What?" "Yankees lost again." "They're out of it."
•       "Wow. Chevy Chase is old."
•       "Nice hat. Is the donkey supposed to be pooping on the elephant or just sitting on him?"
•       "She was wearing the orange pant suit to symbolize the political prison that all women are invisibly in."
•       "He's not black. He's more of a mocha."
•       "What's the deal with the bathrooms? The men's rooms have lines but the women's rooms don't. What's up with that?"
•       "Hey, Biden got a haircut."
•       "She's had some work done." "Some? I think scaffolding was involved."
•       "Did you realize Obama backwards is Amabo?"
•       "I think McCain has Alzheimer's. No, really, I'm serious. He's losing it."
•       "I can't understand a single word he's saying. But he sure looks damn good saying it."
•       "Sean Penn was dressed like a homeless guy." "If I had been dressed like that, they would have kicked me out." "They did kick you out." "See."

You can sense it. People are in a state of shock here in Denver. In a surprise move, after a secret vote taken some time during the last day of their 45th quadrennial convention, the Democrats pronounced themselves to be firmly on the side of good, and although they acknowledge the existence of bad, after much internal struggle, they have reached an accord, and it is now apparent, they are aligned against it. You could go so far as to say, they are adamantly against all forms of bad. Including warm gin in martinis.

So there you have it: the word out of the Pepsi Center- the Democrats have achieved a conversion to pro- good, anti- bad. This sweeping change in the direction of the party is thought to have been engineered by the Obama team in a radical departure from the "Good is sometimes good while Bad is nearly always bad" themes of previous tickets. The "feels good to be bad," the "too much good can be bad" and "a little short term bad might be good in the long run" splinter groups have had their credentials yanked and been given one way tickets back to Massachusetts and Northern California where they belong. There is a mood of optimism here and a sense of momentum. A feeling that after 8 long years of being locked out of the White House, perhaps now, their time has finally come. Again. To be honest, this reporter hasn't seen this kind of enthusiastic confidence since Boston, four long years ago.

If earlier in the week, Michelle and Hillary hit homers and Bill Clinton knocked out a grand slam, it all just faded like batting practice in the fog after the candidate launched one over the scoreboard past the parking lot onto the closed and highly fortified empty expanse of Interstate 25 at the Obama- Rama held in the Barackopolis constructed on Invesco Field at the Mile High Stadium in Denver on Thursday. Yeah, I know, it's a mouthful but to be truthful, so was the event. We weren't just witnessing an acceptance speech, this was more of an ascension. And the 86,000 faithful in attendance were rewarded with a celebration anointing their messenger of hope to a higher plane.

They danced and hugged and shouted and cried and acted like game show contestants moving onto the final stage. The big loser was Denver's balloon guy, because apparently something silly like physics dictates you can't have the traditional convention wrapper- upper balloon drop in an outdoor stadium. You can have fireworks, but it's hard to tell which was the more spectacular; the pyrotechnics of the speech or those after. For all of you nay-sayers who worry that Democrats are overly addicted to sprouts and don't do red meat, hah. That's right, I say, hah. The junior Senator from Illinois showed up in a Hart- Schaffner & Marx butcher's apron with a string of his opponent's entrails in his teeth. And the Republicans have to recreate this next week? Good luck. I can't imagine John McCain following this is if he dressed in spandex and lit himself on fire. Although, it would be fun to watch.

During the Republican Convention, Will Durst will be blogging for Progressive.org and appearing at the Mounds Theater in St. Paul on September 2, 3 & 4. Also, check for daily videos at youtube like this one. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kgropS13FZg

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